CRICKET IS SO BORING


It’s summer time in Australia again and as usual, the fanatical cricketers are flocking to the capital cities to sit like zombies in massive stadiums. The touring side travels around from capital city to capital city playing that state’s best cricket team.Please world, do not judge all Australians by the stereotyped cricket fan. The majority of us do have interesting hobbies besides sitting on our behinds and cheering for a bunch of overpayed and talentless athletes.

Some journalists would have you believe that our happiness depends on Australia winning the so-called Ashes. This trophy is so laughable — it’s about the size of a amateur trophy you would see at a teenagers’ sports final. It is made of wood and is purported to contain the ashes of some stupid cricket stumps from decades gone by.

This yearly cricket series –The Ashes — that Australia plays between England and some of the other remnants of the so called British Commonwealth is just so tedious. The typical cricket match goes something like this. The bowler takes a long run up towards the opposing player, who is standing at the other end of the pitch ( about 25 meters away). He attempts to prevent the bowler from hitting the three stumps just behind him. The batter may just block the ball, with the bat he is holding or hit it so far as to ‘make a few runs’ by running the length of the pitch. Fielders  attempt to catch the ball or throw it at the stumps before the batter/runner has completed a run. A great deal of the time, no runs are scored and the batter just blocks the ball being bowled at him. More time is spent setting up the bowler’s bowl, than in actually hitting and running. When the little red ball is finally hit a great distance, no one can hardly see it because it is so small and traveling so fast.

 It is a wonder slightly intoxicated fans haven’t been knocked fatally on the head by some balls that can be hit into the grandstand. But you never know, some drunk might get clobbered one of these days. At least it would cause some excitement at the cricket. I think the only way some people can endure so many hours of such boredom is to get slowly drunk —  hence the reason that alcohol is sold at cricket matches. It is not just to make money, but to keep the fans from walking out after an hour or so. Cricket is such a slow-paced game and difficult to watch on television, due to the smallness of the ball and the speed with which it is bowled and hit.

Furthermore, until a few decades ago, safety gear like helmets wasn’t even mandatory. And the fanatics play it in the middle of the Australian summer.

Fortunately, this boring state of affairs doesn’t go on too long, but our television screens are monopolised for long stretches (ie five hours) at a time to give the rest of the people a chance to watch this banal spectacle. It’ s really ludicrous how some sports commentators can be enthralled by this game. Just because they make a big noise about it and the players are payed large sums of money, doesn’t mean it is interesting to all. The boring minority simply assume everyone else is as enthusiastic about this tedium as they are.

The picture below demonstrates my typical attitude to the game of cricket.

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